I'm Still Here
by KittensAreCool
Summary: Toris and Feliks' separation begins to take it's toll. LietXPoland. Human names used. Rated M for mature subject matter, violence, and possible coarse language.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm Still Here**

**Chapter One: I Still Miss You**

A/N – I don't own Hetalia, this is a work of fan-fiction, blah, blah, blah.

Warning: Mature subject matter, and human names used (mostly).

* * *

"Feliks?" Toris whispered into the phone.

"Toris! Thank god! You never picked up yesterday! I thought something, like, happened!" Feliks' relieve voice rang through the receiver. Simultaneously, the two let out a relived sigh and remained in silence for a while longer. Toris' shaking fingers weakly held the receiver. What if Ivan heard them?

"Feliks… I miss you…" Toris whispered.

Feliks remained silent on his end for a moment then laughed. "If you miss me so much then you should, like, totally come back!" Toris pouted. Feliks never took any situation seriously. "I'm sorry…" Feliks mumbled. "Does he still… y'know?"

"Everyday…" Toris' eyes became fixated on the section of rug between his feet and his voice became distant.

"Does anyone tend to your wounds?"

"No. You know Raivis, too scared to act against Ivan in anyway… I don't blame him. I don't think Eduard even cares." Toris said, forlorn. "To be honest, I've stopped caring. It isn't a big deal. I can live with a little infection."

Feliks remain silent. Their secret phone calls had been like this for the last few weeks and Feliks couldn't help but worry. Feliks began to say something but stopped. What could be said in a situation like this?

"Some times I feel it isn't worth it anymore-"

"Toris!" Feliks screamed. "Don't even think about it!" Toris grasped for a response but Feliks continued. "You remember our promise! Don't break it! You promised me that we'd be together again!"

"Feliks, I don't think that's possible-"

"What ever it takes. You promised me that!" Feliks snapped, his voice choking with tears. Toris shut his eyes tight fighting back tears himself. His fingers gripped the receiver and his feet shifted awkwardly.

"I'm sorry Feliks. What ever it takes. I promise," Toris breathed. Out in the hallway Toris could hear the heavy steps of Ivan. "Feliks… it's him… I'm sorry." Toris slammed down the receiver. He collapsed to the floor and burst out in tears, the ones he held back during the phone call. His shaking fingers grasped at his hair and tugged in frustration. "What ever it takes…" Toris sobbed.

"Liet?" Ivan's voice chimed from outside Toris' room. "Is little Liet alright?" Toris rubbed his eyes and took a deep wavering breath.

"I'm fine, Ivan." Toris replied unconvincingly.

"We will be having supper soon, I trust you will be there, da?" Ivan asked happily. Toris nervously twiddled his fingers. He wished he didn't have to eat. Toris didn't want to move. He just wanted to sit there and cry.

"Yeah… I'll be there…" Toris responded. Russia's heavy footfalls faded away as he marched down the hall. Toris hit the back of his head against the wall over and over again. "What ever it takes," He mumbled each time his head hit the wall.

* * *

"Ah! Liet, you finally came! We waited for you!" Ivan bellowed from the head of the table, casting everyone's attention Toris' way. Ivan extended his arms "Take a seat, da?" Toris nodded and sat in the chair on Ivan's right, next to Eduard, and across from Natalia. Eduard cast a glance his way, with an expression similar to concern. Toris sat staring at the soup in front of him.

"Na zdorovje!" The table said in unison throwing up their cups in cheers. Toris quickly followed suit, mumbling the cheers. Toris brought the cup to his mouth, but barely let the drink touch his lips.

Meekly, he ate the food that was set in front of him. "It looks like, totally delicious! You should eat more!" Feliks said, standing behind Natalia. Toris stopped, his spoon half way to his mouth, his eyes fixated on Feliks.

"Are you alright?" Eduard asked shaking Toris' shoulder.

"F…Fel—" Toris began, and then stopped realizing what he was saying. "F…fantastic… I'm fantastic Eduard." The whole table began to stare at him. "I spaced out, how silly of me!" Toris explained to the table, and faked a smile. Everyone began eating again as if nothing happened, except for the occasional glance his way. Toris looked back to the spot where he saw Feliks. No one was there.

* * *

Toris unbuttoned his shirt and threw it in the pile of his other clothes. Toris turned his head around and looked into the mirror. He winced at the sight of himself. Scars and fresh cuts riddled his back. Some cuts had traces of infection. Every time Toris caught a glance of his back in the mirror the infection seemed to become worse and worse. "How unsightly," he mumbled, and collapsed onto the bed.

Toris yawned and rolled onto his side. "G'night!" Feliks said from the foot of the bed where he sat cross-legged. Toris sat straight up, shocked.

"Feliks?" He whispered, crawling forward and reaching his hand towards Feliks. Toris' long fingers touched his friends golden hair. "It's you! It's really you!" Toris said and smiled. Feliks placed his hand over Toris'. Toris could feel the warmth of Feliks' hand. "How? I've missed you so much!" Toris leaned forward closed his eyes and hugged him tightly. "Feliks…" he breathed. Toris opened his eyes only to find he was hugging thin air. "Feliks? Hey! This isn't funny!"

There was no response. Toris grabbed at his head and curled into a ball. "Feliks…" He sobbed. "This isn't funny…"

* * *

A/N – Hey! I haven't done much writing recently, and I've decided to go on a darker note for this one. Constructive criticism is welcome just don't be an ass. I'm not the best writer but I hope you enjoyed this short chapter. I just got this idea out of the blue so it's not really polished, but it turned out better than I thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm Still Here**

**Chapter Two: Ouch!**

A/N – I don't own Hetalia, so don't sue me! I'd rather not go through all the court stuff, plus I don't have the money to write a cheque that large! XD

Warning: The rating went up in this chapter due to some violence and torture…

* * *

Toris slowly opened his eyes. The sun had begun to rise, and he had fallen asleep without closing the curtain. Toris could still feel his cheeks heavy and stiff with dry tears.

"_Dobre utra_," Ivan said, displeased. One hand was shoved in his pocket the other held a pair of wire cutters.

"Ivan?" Toris flushed red realizing he was shirtless and still in the pants he wore the day previous. "Ah! I'm sorry!" Toris said reaching for his shirt from the day before. "I'm… I'm in no way presentable!" He stuttered.

"Oh, I don't mind, Liet," Ivan chimed. Ivan stared malevolently at the trembling Toris before him, who was scrambling to button up his shirt. Ivan knelt down and explored the wires that were connected to the phone and lamp. Toris stared horrified. "Ah!" Ivan gleamed. "I found it!" He ran his fingers up and down the phone's wire. "Feliks is well, da?" Toris swallowed loudly.

"I…Ivan… I c…can't say I know what you talking ab…bout," Toris sputtered. Ivan let out a loud chortle.

"So you wouldn't care if I did this?" Ivan said, yanking the wire out of the socket on the wall. Toris stifled a gasp, he could always plug it back in.

"I don't mind at all," Toris said confidently.

"Good. I also suppose it wouldn't be too much trouble if I just did this, da?" Ivan grabbed the cutters and severed the wire, throwing the loose piece at Toris who caught it frantically. "A souvenir," Ivan giggled, standing up. Toris shut his eyes tight and looked away for a moment and checked his frustration.

"Your, like, just gunna, like, take that?" Feliks giggled from the doorway. Toris stood bewildered, staring at his friend.

"Y…yes," Toris mumbled.

"Hmm?" Ivan grunted as he placed a hand on Toris' head. "I'm certain it's nothing, da?" Toris nodded, beginning to shake. "Now, back to the matter at hand, how is Feliks?" Toris stared at the floor. "Hmm?" Ivan growled. Toris remained silent. "I'll take that as 'fine'." Ivan grabbed Toris' hair.

"P…Please don't touch me!" Toris pleaded meekly.

"You speak when spoken too!" Ivan snapped. "If you don't answer my questions, then don't talk at all! Don't go changing your mind!" Ivan roared. Toris was shaking furiously. Ivan was never like this. "You understand?" Toris still remained silent. "Huh?" Ivan yelled, and pulled Toris' hair.

Toris screamed and trashed. Feliks was now watching the situation progress. "Totally kinky!" He giggled.

"Shut up! I hate you!" Toris screamed at him. Ivan yanked harder on Toris' hair.

"Hmm? It hurts me! First you refuse to talk to me, and then you tell me to shut up, and that you hate me?" Ivan bellowed, his face centimetres from Toris'. "What have I ever done? I've fed you and given you a place to live, da?"

"I'm sorry!" Toris begged, suddenly realizing his situation.

"Tsk," Ivan grabbed Toris' hands with one of his own large hands and pinned Toris to the wall. With his other hand Ivan tore off Toris' shirt and grabbed a large, unclean, and blood stained knife from his pocket. Ivan giggled and slashed a large cut into Toris' back.

Toris screamed and clenched his hands into fists. "I…I'm sorry!"

"I'm glad!" Ivan smiled, and cut Toris again. Toris screeched again and began to cry. "Oops! That was a little deep!" Ivan giggled. "I can fix that!" Ivan slowly licked the wound. "Fixed!" he smiled, then engrave a Tick-Tack-Toe board into Toris' back. "Wanna play a game? Do you mind if I go first?"

Toris mumbled something and Ivan gleamed. Ivan thought long about where he should go. He began to tap the dull end of the knife on Toris' shoulder. The cold metal send shivers down Toris' spine. Ivan ceased tapping the knife and carved a deep 'X' into the middle square.

"I know, unoriginal, your turn!" Ivan chirped, leaning closer to Toris to hear his response.

"I'd totally go with top left hand corner, but that's like, just me!" Feliks suggested. Toris nearly screamed, but remember his situation.

"T…top…l…left hand… corner…" Toris managed to mumble. It would make things a lot easier if Toris just succumbed to Ivan. Ivan jabbed the tip of the knife into the indicated spot and began to spin it around to create an 'O'. Toris screamed and began to feel light headed from the pain. "S…stop… p…lease…" Toris breathed. The pain was too much!

"Hold on! It's my turn, da?" Ivan said, slowly marking and 'X' in the bottom middle spot. "Your turn. I chose bottom middle."

"T…t…o…p… mi…ddle…" Toris mumbled. Ivan giggled and jabbed the knife into Toris' back and twisted. Toris' vision began to turn gray and he screamed one last time before collapsing to the floor, unconscious.

* * *

"Toris! Hey! Toris! Toris?" Raivis' small voice called. Raivis sighed in relief and Toris slowly awoke. Before Toris could realize where he was and what happened Eduard forced a full glass of water down his throat. Toris began to choke and water splashed all over him. Eduard pulled the glass away and waited for Toris to stop coughing.

"What…" Toris began to mumble then stopped when the saw the blood stained carpet, the smears of blood on the wall, and the knife that caused it all. Toris suddenly screamed, remembering everything.

"Toris!" Eduard snapped, grabbing his shoulders and furiously shaking them. "Snap out of it! Your safe now!" Toris' wide, frightened eyes looked into Eduard's own, pleading for help.

"We heard it all," Raivis said timidly. "It sounded a lot worse than before… We…we began to worry when you never showed up for breakfast. Ivan said you were sleeping in… I'm sorry!" Raivis looped his arms around Toris' neck and began to sob.

The feeling in Toris' back came back and he began cringe in pain. "Are you okay?" Eduard asked peeling Raivis off of Toris. Toris nodded and cringed again. "It's not right for him to pick on you like this…" Eduard mumbled, looking off to the side.

"You think he's picking on me?" Toris barked. "You call this," he threw his hands out presenting the bloody scene, "picking on me?" His rage began to well up inside him. "Ivan isn't _picking_ on me! He's torturing me!"

Eduard backed off and muttered, "I was just saying it isn't right."

"Of course it isn't right!" Toris snapped. Raivis and Eduard stared at him blankly. It was awfully out of character. Toris exhaled shakily and hugged his kneed to his chest. "I'm sorry," He sobbed, his voice distant. "I didn't mean it… I wasn't talking to you…"

* * *

A/N – Well they don't call me the 'Crazy Canuck' for nothing. I'm totally kidding! Nobody on earth calls me that. Well, I think I have to change the rating for this one. I wasn't expecting it to turn out this… interesting. But it's what came out, so I'll stick with it. Thanks for the comments and favourites so far. Keep inflating my ego. XD I'm just joshing. I know this is Canadian of me but I am actually so sorry. I've just realized that I'm using a lot of Canadian spelling. Sorry if you can't understand due to this alien form of spelling. :) I hope you liked this chapter, and please comment, but don't flame… it hurts me inside!


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm Still Here**

**Chapter 3: Let's Go Home**

A/N – I don't own Hetalia, or anything, this is fan made. Warning, Violence and mature themes! Read at your own risk!

* * *

"Toris, what are you talking about?" Raivis asked nervously. Raivis gently touched Toris' shoulder and immediately Toris looked straight at Raivis.

"Huh?" Toris responded blankly. "What do you mean?" Eduard and Raivis looked stared at Toris, confused.

"You just said you were talking to someone else, who?" Raivis continued.

"Hmm? I guess I was thinking out loud…" Toris mumbled. Raivis began to continue until Eduard grabbed his shoulder and shook his head. Raivis protested silently then realised where Eduard was coming from.

"Raivis, get me some bandages, and a clean shirt." Eduard demanded. Raivis nodded quickly and ran out of the room. "Let me see the damage," Eduard said beginning to lean Toris forward.

"I'm fine, really," Toris mumbled in an unenthusiastic protest. Eduard simply sighed and inspected Toris' wounds. Eduard gasped and winced at the sight. Cuts, old and new, criss-crossed Toris' back. One large deep wound was still open, but the bleeding wasn't severe. On Toris' right shoulder a gruesome game of tic-tack-toe remained unfinished, waiting for it's players to continue.

* * *

"Liet, you should be eating!" Ivan said placing a hand on Toris' back. Toris stifled a terrified scream and sat staring and the food before him, with a horrified look on his face. "Liet! Hey Liet!" Toris' fingers gripped the table, his fingernails leaving dents. He breathed deeply to settle his mind. "Liet, you missed breakfast, you should at least eat lunch." Toris didn't respond. "Liet-"

"Shut up!" Toris snapped, standing up, tipping his chair over. "Don't call me that! Only Feliks can call me that!"

"Oh! I'm so touched!" Feliks said, standing in the doorway to the dining room. His hands resting on his cheeks and a dreamy expression plastered on his face.

"Now isn't the time!" Toris yelled. Wrapping his fingers around his glass.

"Liet!" Ivan barked, standing up and reaching to touch Toris.

"I told you not to call me that! Only Feliks can!" Toris screeched, hurling his glass, half empty, at Ivan. Ivan ducked his head, and the glass shattered against the wall sending water and deadly shards all across the room. Everyone ducked and covered their eyes. Ivan just looked disappointed, his eyes still, starring, straight into Toris'.

"OMG!" Feliks squealed. "I had no idea you were so manly!" Feliks trotted over to Toris and squeezed his biceps. "Ooh… so strong!"

Toris flung Feliks off of him. "Shut up! Not now!" Toris snapped.

"Toris," Ivan said loudly. "Go to your room, da? I'll speak to you later." Toris just stared frightened, at Ivan. He slowly began to shake his head. Ivan reached out to Toris; his cold fingers touched Toris' cheek.

"Oh god! Don't touch me! Don't lay another finger on me!" Toris slapped Ivan's hand to the side. "Please…" Tears began to flow from his eyes. Toris stepped back and slowly picked up a knife from the table. "I hate you!" Toris screamed, lurching forward and pointing the knife at Ivan.

Swiftly, Ivan grabbed Toris' wrist and squeezed so hard, Toris dropped the knife. Although Toris was disarmed, Ivan still felt the need to squeeze Toris' wrist even harder. Toris squealed and flailed in a feeble attempt to break free from Ivan's grip. "Let me go Ivan!" Toris screamed.

Ivan smiled. "As you wish!" Ivan's large boot slammed into the middle of Toris' chest. Toris gasped for air as he slammed into the floor. Tears streamed down Toris' face as he desperately attempted to breathe.

The table was silent. Nobody dared to stop Ivan. A sick smile was painted on Ivan's face. Ivan picked up the knife on the ground and inspected it.

"I don't know if the cutlery really matches the ambiance of, like, this room," Feliks stated and he looked around the room, inspecting the furniture, Toris resisted the urge to snap at Feliks. He's not real! Toris thought.

"Let's put this dart board to use, da?" Ivan suggested. He threw the knife at lightning speed. Toris shrieked as the knife speared his hand, pinning it to the ground. Toris stared at the blood that slowly seeped from his hand. Ivan tore the knife out of Toris' hand. Toris clenched his teeth. "One more try, da?" Ivan raised his hand, aiming his throw.

Toris panicked. He lurched forward, wrapping his arms around Ivan's knees, and drove them both to the floor with a rugby tackle. Toris winced in agony when he realized the extent of his injuries.

Toris quickly heaved himself off the ground, grabbed his napkin from the table, and pressed it against his wound. Toris looked back at Ivan, who was beginning to stand up again. Toris began to cry as he staggered out of the dining room.

"Liet!" Ivan roared as he stomped after Toris.

"Shut up!" Toris snapped, "I'm never coming back here! Ever! You're a monster! A sick man!"

"Toris… you're sick…" Ivan mumbled. "You're not healthy, da?"

"So what if I'm not? I'd be your fault!" Toris yelled, his fingers gripped the doorknob of the front door.

"Your think I'm going to let you leave? If you go out there, you'll get lost in the snow, you'll die," Ivan threatened.

"And if I stay here, I'd have to face your torture," Toris flung the door open, cold air rushed down the hallway. "Dieing sounds a lot better to me." The door slammed behind him.

"You're not going after him?" Natalia asked.

"Oh, Liet will be back," Ivan giggled, "he's got nowhere else to go."

* * *

Toris woke, his shoulders were being shaken over and over again. "Liet? Hey wake up!" Toris slowly opened his eyes. The first thing he noticed was that he was propped up against a tree. His entire body felt cold and numb. The blood around the wound in his hand was frozen. His whole body ached. "Liet!"

Feliks suddenly hugged Toris tight, then leaned back to look into Toris' eyes. "Feliks?" Toris breathed in disbelief. "Is it actually you?" Toris placed his frostbitten fingers on Feliks' cheek.

"Totally! Who else would it be?" Feliks said. He placed his hand over Toris' fingers. "Like, look at you!" He giggled, "You're frostbitten all over!"

Toris wrapped his arms around Feliks and began to cry. "I've missed you so much!" Feliks hugged back. "I promised we'd be together, no matter what."

Feliks suddenly kissed Toris' frozen lips. "A good man always keeps his promise," Feliks rested his forehead on Toris'. "But, like, look at you!"

Toris looked down awkwardly, "Ivan…"

"I know," said Feliks, "you don't have to tell me." Toris began to cry again.

"Thank you…" Toris sobbed.

"My, my! Stop crying would ya? It's embarrassing me!" Feliks giggled. Feliks stoop up and brushed the snow off of him. "Let's go home, Liet," Feliks extended a hand to him. Toris smiled and grabbed it. He cringed as he stood up. "Walk with me," Feliks said, grabbing a hold of Toris' good hand.

The two walked through the snow. A few words were exchanged, but Feliks' company was enough was for Toris.

* * *

Suddenly the two stopped at the front door a large house. Toris let go of Feliks' hand, looked up at the building, and smirked at the irony of it all. "Home, eh?"

Toris yanked open the heavy doors and entered the house. Alone.

"Privet! Shall we finish our game?" Ivan smirked, a bloody knife in his hand.

* * *

A/N ~ Sorry it took me a while to write this final chapter. I've been busy because school's starting up again. XD Yay grade 10! I also lost inspiration for this chapter, but it was found again after listening to the 'Tetris' theme. I was torn between a happy ending and a twisted one; I hope you liked my choice though. I've got no idea what to write after this. Probably something happy. Thanks for all the great comments, and I love you all!


End file.
